Geekery

I've always considered myself sort of a geek.  I know random facts about stupid things, I love love love Big Bang Theory because I understand a lot of their jokes, and surprisingly, I love computers.  

I have always been very blessed in my life.  I know this without a doubt.  I have been through some rough patches, as have we all, but I have always known that I was being led in a direction I would never choose on my own.  

One of the biggest blessings has been work.  I have (knock on wood) never had to really worry about work.  Doing hair has been a great blessing, but even aside from that, it has been something that has been easy for me to find.  

I found my current job at Provo Craft a year and a half ago, and I loved it.  I started in Customer Service answering phones and helping crafters with their crafts.  It was fun, even though I'm not a crafter. 

Fast forward about 9 months, and I'm lucky enough to still be working in Customer Service, but now I'm doing work with all the other departments in the business, coordinating Customer Service needs with the capabilities of everyone else in the building.  It was a job I had to create from scratch, and I had to work my butt off to get stuff done.  

Fast forward again a few months, and now I'm testing software for a launch in April.  I have learned so many skills and new geek words, I can hardly stand the excitement.  

Since I started testing software, I was very drawn to the process and the outcomes.  It fascinates me to no end to see developers write code, then make something for me to actually see and test.  I get to find little hiccups in the software and bugs in the system.  With the love of this new job, I started campaigning to be moved permanently into the Software Department.  I really worked my butt off for the software project launch in April, and then I really started bugging the higher-ups to move me up.  

Finally, finally, I got the news last week and a job offer to be a full time software test engineer.  Sounds super fancy, huh?  I KNOW!!!  I am so excited.  I'm lucky to have a great team of guys that entertain my very basic stupid questions, but are excited to see me grow and reach my geek potential.  

Friday the 3rd is a big day for me, though.  I will take my ISTQB test.  That means I will be a certified software tester.  The test is tough, at least for someone like me that is relatively new to the field.  But I know having this certification will take me places I never imagined I would go.  

I think having a certification like this also certifies me as a definite geek.  And I'm okay with that.  

Wish me luck! 

Where is Art?

I've never called myself an "artsy" type.  I don't "do" art.  Mostly because I don't "get" art.  I see a painting (which is what I think of when I think of art), and I get bored.  I understand the talent that goes into painting, and the tenacity it takes to finish it, but I don't "get" it.  One starts to look the another, and before I know it, I've checked out and I find myself on facebook catching up on the latest eCard going around. 

But then I did something uncomfortable, and I found art. 

One of my besties was performing with his brother at an art show in Sugarhouse.  The two of them play guitar, and they play well, and there was a bunch of other things going on at the same show.  An improv thing, a kid I went to High School with was also playing guitar, and 2 slam poets.  I was nervous to go, because it was a small venue, the kind where you can't just blend in, but I wanted to support said bestie, because that's what besties do.  So I went.

The guitar and beatboxing thing I walked in on immediately made me happy.  It was great music with a quirky twist, two things I love.  Then some improv, which is always a good time.  Then the bestie and bro and their guitars singing a song that contained the lyrics "It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again".  You know, romantic stuff.  I sang along to their Simon and Garfunkel cover, and then there was intermission.

Then it happened.  My first experience with slam poetry.  I had this image of poets looking wistfully up into the proverbial sky whilst spewing forth romantic soliloquies of lovers gone by. 

Holy crap was I wrong.  This guy was offensive, and disgusting, and foul and said exactly what I was thinking!!!  It was like his words were pulled from my brain and fell from his mouth in a way only he could express because I am too timid.  Yes, I said it, I am too timid.  Don't get me wrong, he wasn't only offensive and disgusting and foul, he was also hilarious and genuine.  But I haven't been moved by words like that since, well, ever. 

This was a Friday night.  By Monday I was still thinking about it.  Tuesday I was looking it up online.  Wednesday I made plans to attend another poetry slam, and Monday I stayed out way too late on a work night because I couldn't tear myself away from hearing what they had to say. 

I guess that's what art is supposed to do.  Move your soul.  Resonate in you until you want it to be part of you.  Art makes you think  Art makes you uncomfortable.  Art shows outwardly what you can only feel inwardly. 

And I found it. 

Frightening

I can't believe how long it has been since I've blogged.  That is soooo not like me.  I was almost scared to open my blog because I didn't know what to do.  Should I post?  What should I write about if I do?  Do I even want to blog anymore? 

So much of me has changed.  Divorce is hard.  Coming out is hard.  But life is good.  And I guess like everything else, this blog shows the good, the bad, and the very very ugly.  I've never been one to hold anything back when it comes to my blog, and I guess it shouldn't change now, right?  I mean, if anyone was easily offended, they would have been long gone from reading this blog by now, right?  Right. 

So although I've missed blogging, I'm glad I've had a break to rediscover what I want to share and how I want to share it.  It's still scary though.  Frightening, in fact. 

Running

Running has become my friend.  At long last.  I finished my first 10k on Earth Day, April 21st, and it was a pretty big deal to me.  Then last weekend I was lucky enough to have a couple of days of no internet or phone service at the cabin and I ran every morning and did yoga on the deck each afternoon.  There isn't much that soothes the soul like that does.  It felt so good to finally get in touch with myself again.  I have been running around from job to job like a crazy person, and I needed to get centered.   Now I have a whole new appreciation for yoga and running.  This weekend is tough.  Tougher than I remember it being in a long time.  I miss my mom.  I miss my kids.  But I can do this.  I am also tougher than I realized.  Mother's Day is hard and having met some amazing people in my life lately has made it much easier to get through, thank goodness.  But don't take your moms for granted, please.  Pretty please?  Just tell her you love her.  Tell her you are grateful for everything she has done for you, because odds are you have no idea what she has really done for you.  I know I had no idea until it was too late.  And I regret every moment I missed. 

The C word

Remember how my mom died of cancer?  Yeah, that sucked. 

Remember how last week I was diagnosed with breast cancer?  Yeah, that sucked too. 

But yesterday that crap came out.  The whole big lumpy mess will be gone, and it looks like that will be that.  Let's all keep our fingers crossed, okay? 

I've been told by two doctors now that if you're going to get breast cancer, this is the kind to get the and the time to get it.  It's super early, non-infiltrating, stage 0-1, ductal carcinoma.  It's so early it's almost non-cancer cancer.  But I want it out of me so I don't have to deal with it anymore.  So out it's coming. 

Funny how it feels good when things come out, huh?  I'm looking forward to having this weight off my mind so I can focus on doing the things I need to do to be a better person.  Whatever that means. 

But keep those fingers crossed just in case. 

John Wayne

Let's talk about dogs for a moment.  I have one, errr, rather had one.  He's gone now.  I hate him.  He's a jerk face. 

He started off the cutest little puppy.  You might remember his pictures.  He would fall asleep on his back on the couch like he'd just smoked himself into a chair.  He was hilarious. 

Then he grew up, and became less hilarious and more obnoxious. 

Especially over the last couple of weeks.  He decided it's funny for me to chase him through the neighborhood when he escapes from the backyard.  And by through the neighborhood, I mean a mile or two down the road. 

I also had to bail him out of doggie jail a couple of weeks ago. That was awesome.  Not. 

So this last weekend we were in Logan.  He was staying at a friends house.  He was in a fenced kennel with a pallet floor, inside a fenced back yard in the middle of nowhere (well, Lewiston, but that's like nowhere, right? )  Sunday night I go to feed him, and what do I see?  A gaping hole in the ground next to the gate to the backyard.  My heart sank.  He was most definitely gone. 

He had eaten through a pallet.  He had dug under a buried fence.  He had shimmied through a tiny hole in the ground and escaped into the Northern Utah wilderness.  I drove around, knowing he was long gone, not sad about that, but sad that I didn't know where he was. 

He was gone.

Sunday morning, a friend convinced me to call animal control just to check if he had been turned in.  First of all, I didn't want to call because I didn't want him back, second of all, I couldn't afford the $100 bail for him.  Again.  But I knew I had to check.  So I called.  And guess what?  A nice officer had found him the night before on her front porch.  She took him in, and fed him.  So I had to drive back to Lewiston to pick him up. 

He was saved. 

Then we took him to a friends house for a couple of minutes so I could gather my things together before coming home.  I left him in her backyard, which also houses 2 other dogs.  In the few minutes I was inside, he managed to dig under the fence and escape.  Again. 

He was gone. 

I walked around the corner, and sure enough, he was just sniffing around, peeing on everything like he does when he escapes.  But this time he actuall came to me when I called him.  I think he knew his number was up. 

He was saved. 

So now, he sits at my house, awaiting his pickup tomorrow.  So by the time this publishes, he will be gone.  I'm sad to see him go becuase I love his cute old man face.  And his soft ears.  And the way he snores like a fat man in the mornings.  But I won't miss him shedding and jumping and making me look like a fool chasing him around in my jammies and hooker boots.  (They were the closest shoes I had, don't judge me). 

So John Wayne, best of luck.  And try and keep in the fence, okay? 

The Cycle

Where do I even begin?  This past month has gone by so quickly, I can't even begin to think of all the things that have happened.  Gretta turned 5, that's obviously the biggest deal of all.  She thinks she needs to go to Kindergarten.  Right.NOW!  That kid is awesome.  I love her.  I love all my kids, of course. 

In fact, lets talk kids for a moment. 

I have the best ones there could ever be, I'm pretty sure.  They have been through Hell, and it just keeps coming.  Luckily, they have a great support system between Sean and I.  He is a great dad.  The kids get shuffled back and forth every other weekend, and on Wednesday nights, and they are handling it amazingly well.   Emma was student of the month at her middle school, Maggie is understandably the smartest kid in her class, and Gretta is just about the cutest sassiest kid I've ever met.  But even through all this turmoil, they have managed to keep going.  Not giving in to the temptation to turn on one another that so many kids face when their parents split up.  The just keep going.  I attribute this to a lot of things, but I know that the many many many many prayers I've said, and some of you have said on their behalves, are working.  I always knew they were exceptional.  I always knew they would shine when life got tough, I just never thought this would be the kind of tough they would deal with. 

Let's hope this is the worst of it for them. 

In the meantime, life just keeps on going, whether we like it or not.  Things are hard.  Then they're better.  Then they're hard again.  It's a cycle, albeit a  more exaggerated cycle than anything I've ever experienced before in my life.  I hope one day it will all settle in like it's supposed to, and "normal" will reappear.