Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Dear Disney

Dear Disney,

I'm writing you in regards to your various styles of childrens dress-up shoes. You see, I own a couple of pairs of these, or rather, my daughters own a couple of pairs of these. They are wonderful accessories to the dresses and wings and wands and such. And as a woman who never learned, I thank you for teaching my children to walk in high heels at the age of 2, because it is a life long skill that cannot be learned too young.

There is a flaw to your dress up shoes style, however. Something I know you'll be grateful I am pointing out. If you could please make the shoes a little narrower and possibly a little more ill-fitting, as to facilitate a more rapid sprain or break of the ankle, I would be so happy. You see, I know eventually my dear daughters will fall and break something important, and I feel that your current design is just prolonging the inevitable. Perhaps you could just remove the flimsy ankle straps with the barely functioning buckle? Or maybe make the toe box just a little more awkward, so the pinky toe and the next toe have to hang out of the side together, rather than just the pinky toe alone. That would probably do the trick, since it would throw off the delicate balance just enough.

Finally, I wish you would make the bottoms even more slick, since the hard plastic sole against wood floors is far too much traction for a 2 year old balancing on 3 inch heels. If you could maybe have a silicone lubricant applied to the bottom, so they could just slide along the flooring surface and cause the child to fall backwards onto their head, that would be a much better scenario than having her feet slip sideways out from underneath her and causing her knees to fold laterally. I mean, tearing an ACL is such an easier injury to recover from at a young age, no sense in waiting until adolesence.

Thank you for your time in reading this letter. Please feel free to send me any prototypes you may have in the works already, as my children are fully prepared to sustain serious injury in the hopes of bankrupting other families with your overpriced dress-up accessories. They're just such givers.

A mom who thinks the balancing act can never be learned too young.


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