A Lot Can Happen When You Let It

It's been a year since this post. A year that has flown by. So much has changed since I wrote that post. So much around me, and so much inside me. I shudder to think what my life would be like now, had things not taken such a drastic turn.

Sean has a year and a half of school under his belt, and a scholarship awaiting him at the U. We started a business, and have been plugging away at actually making it work. It is. I started homeschooling Maggie, probably one of the best decisions I've made as a parent. We have a whole new appreciation for all types of assistance; family, church, government, and so on. The sacrifices we are making now are for a bigger pay off in the end, and I know we have the gumption to do it.

I see how smart Sean is, and I see how his mind wasn't being put to its full potential at his job. I see how he can excel at anything he chooses, and I know in my heart of hearts that he will be very successful and happy with whatever road he chooses. I'm content to be a working mom, a homeschooling mom, and a crazy mom, for a while, because I know my family is benefiting more than they would if we were just to be mediocre at something else.

I'm not gonna lie, I miss the money. It's still hard to not buy the kids something they want, or to not go out to eat because we can't afford it. Saying "we can't afford it" still tastes like vinegar when it comes out, but it's getting easier. I miss the perks. The Cubs games, the Bulls games, the trailer, the big house, the vacations, and the ease of not worrying about where the next paycheck was coming from. But I feel far more fulfilled now, so I guess that's saying something. I know this is part of the plan for us, and I know it will work. Sometimes life is hard, but sometimes it's easy. Either way, it keeps coming around.

I'm so glad we were given this trial. We have had a lot happen that would never have happened otherwise, and we're better people for it. I guess that's a good thing.

PTSD

So remember how two month ago my hubby got shit canned? Yeah, I remember that too.

I think I have some PTSD from that day. Here's why.

Yesterday I was doing my thing like I do every day, when 9:00 AM rolls around. Sean has class from 7:40 until 11:10, so I just sort of bide my time until he gets home. But 9:00 comes, and he pulls into the driveway.

My heart sinks. I start getting jittery, and sweating, and my stomach feels sick. It feels like that day he showed up at home after the lay off.

I instantly start thinking the worst; he dropped out of school, he got kicked out of school, he got in an accident, he got a job and has to drop out of school, he decided he hates us all and wants a divorce and to take the kids and all the money and run away and leave me homeless and destitute and alone.

A little dramatic? Probably.

Turns out he doesn't have the 10:00 class on Tuesdays, and I was just mistaken. I had a little breakdown after that.

Seriously, I think I have some PTSD. I'm so afraid of what else may come our way, that I'm afraid to ever think positively!

Life. It's traumatic.

Daily Update

Well, I have to say, I think I have the bestest readers in the world. I received so many positive emails and comments, I think I may just make it through all this.

But I should probably give a little update so you all know what's going on in this head of mine.

First, Sean is scheduled to have his hernia surgery on Monday. The 21st. Like 4 days before Christmas. Sounds like bad timing, but it's a blessing really. Pray that it all goes well, and that he recovers quickly.

Second, despite looking for a job here in Illinois, there is this gaping hole on Sugar Daddy's resume. See, he never finished college. I know! But he was too busy working is way up through the company, and now here we are. So thanks to the help of our families, he will be starting school in January or March, depending on...

Third, we will be moving back to Utah as soon as Sean is healed and ready. He'll be starting school full time there. We're shooting for just after the New Year, but we'll see how that goes. His health and safety are most important, so that is the determining factor.

Fourth, there was a big post coming about our new house, with pictures and everything, but now that we'll be moving, it doesn't seem post-worthy. It's too bad, too, because we really love it. But it's just a thing, and things come and go.

So there you have it. Pretty much our life in a nutshell for today. I'm so grateful for the positive and uplifting thoughts and prayers. We truly know how blessed we are. I'll be posting daily, and hopefully not just about this, but mostly about this, because this is my life, and I have to write this stuff down, or my brain hurts.

Fun For Friday, Sort Of, But Not Really

So yesterday will forever rank up there as one of the worst days of my adult life.

#1 being the day my mom died.

#2 being yesterday.

Yep, that bad.

We were completely blindsided and our lives changed course forever.

Lets just say Sugar Daddy left for work at his usual time, and appeared back home a couple of hours later, pale, distraught, and befuddled. In his back pocket was stuffed a big yellow envelope. With his walking papers.

Yep, he was let go yesterday. After 16 years. 2 weeks before Christmas. And 6 days after we moved into a new house. Life is good.

So now we regroup, reevaluate, and reexamine our lives to decide what this means for us. In the meantime, Christmas was taken care of early this year, thank goodness, and we have stopped unpacking any remaining boxes because odds are we won't be here long. Life is good, indeed.

Oh, we also lose our health insurance next month, he needs surgery to fix his hernia (acquired at work, go figure), and I need my happy pills to survive. Life is wonderful.

So please excuse me when I say, Merry Freaking Christmas!