Finally

Well, it happened.  The divorce is final.  It's weird that it's over.  We were engaged to be married just about the same amount of time it took for us to get divorced.  I find that funny.  Not like ha ha funny, but like that's interesting funny.  I have to say, I miss marriage.  The normalcy of it all has left a huge void in my life.  I miss Sean and the way we were friends.  I miss having the family life that seemed so perfect.  But I don't miss the faking it, and the working endlessly at it, and the trust issues.  So all in all I think it is a good thing.  My new normal is still sinking in.  I still sometimes refer to myself as "we", not because of the voices in my head, but because "I" was "we", inclusive with Sean and the girls.  There is a lot more I've learned to do on my own.  Things that are hard, things that are easy, and things that I never had any idea I could do at all.  Those are all empowering things, I think. 

I've tried very hard to avoid being bitter about any of this.  I have good reason to be, and so does Sean.  I think we've succeeded so far, at least on the surface, but it has to start somewhere, right?  I debate even blogging about it, because divorce is such a personal situation and it is borderline private, even for me, who has a penchant for spewing forth every detail of my soul.  I do know that I will not drag anyone through the mud on this blog, myself included in that.  I am as much to blame for this as anyone else, and I totally own that.  I will remain focused on what makes me happy, and how my life will change as the months and years go by.  Just promise me you'll bear with me as I make those changes and start documenting all these new thougths and feelings as I go. 

Trust me, it will be worth it.