Well, it happened. The divorce is final. It's weird that it's over. We were engaged to be married just about the same amount of time it took for us to get divorced. I find that funny. Not like ha ha funny, but like that's interesting funny. I have to say, I miss marriage. The normalcy of it all has left a huge void in my life. I miss Sean and the way we were friends. I miss having the family life that seemed so perfect. But I don't miss the faking it, and the working endlessly at it, and the trust issues. So all in all I think it is a good thing. My new normal is still sinking in. I still sometimes refer to myself as "we", not because of the voices in my head, but because "I" was "we", inclusive with Sean and the girls. There is a lot more I've learned to do on my own. Things that are hard, things that are easy, and things that I never had any idea I could do at all. Those are all empowering things, I think.
I've tried very hard to avoid being bitter about any of this. I have good reason to be, and so does Sean. I think we've succeeded so far, at least on the surface, but it has to start somewhere, right? I debate even blogging about it, because divorce is such a personal situation and it is borderline private, even for me, who has a penchant for spewing forth every detail of my soul. I do know that I will not drag anyone through the mud on this blog, myself included in that. I am as much to blame for this as anyone else, and I totally own that. I will remain focused on what makes me happy, and how my life will change as the months and years go by. Just promise me you'll bear with me as I make those changes and start documenting all these new thougths and feelings as I go.
Trust me, it will be worth it.