I was listening to Kathy and Judy yesterday. They have a wonderful talk radio show that totally cracks me up. I'm not normally a talk radio person, because let's face it, I'm not that into politics, and I don't pretend to be smart enough to know what the heck they're talking about anyway. But K and J, their show reminds me of something like an audio blog. You know, just kind of random things, not much of a filter, etc. etc. Yesterday they had on a girl (woman?) that had just copyrighted a new "scientific theory". Now this is good. Apparently one day, she and her friend were watching TV, and a commercial came on that had a scene with a girl in an aardvark costume that was participating in a school play. She commented to her friend about how random an aardvark was, and how you never see them. Well, the next day, for some odd reason, the word aardvark came up 3 different times, with no help from her! So this got her thinking. Doesn't this happen a lot? You see something, or hear something, and sure enough, it's everywhere. It's like your brain is suddenly more aware of that specific subject, so you notice it more.
I have taken this theory one step further (farther? I can never remember, please correct me, Eliza). When we were dealing with the sickness and subsequent death of my mom, we were all acutely aware of so many miracles happening around us every day. From the smallest things, like the hospital cafeteria having the best cookies ever, to the big things, like all being in the right place at the right time to be there when she needed us most. Whatever the miracles, we saw them. Sadly, I've started to be blinded to them again. I knew it would happen, life takes over, and days turn into weeks, and before you know it, months have passed. We were all living in a cocoon of small miracles for those 6 weeks, and lived and breathed to see a miracle every day. Now, it's just a matter of making it through the day.
So I've decided to reinstate the Spiritual Aardvark Theory in my life. I need to start looking for those miracles every day. I need to see it in my kids, in life around me, and most of all, in myself. I need to have the courage to make it over this hump and to embrace the miracles that I am entitled to. That we're all entitled to. I need my eyes opened to the gifts that are all around me. I need to see that life has a meaning beyond the hurt and pain I feel now. Any ideas are welcome, but mostly, just a big thanks to all of you for reading this. I know, it gets all blah blah blah, but it helps my brain.