I didn't poop my pants, I promise.
I really, really promise.
And it's adhered itself permanently to my ass.
And I was at the zoo with 6 kids.
Oh, and my awesome sister was there too, who laughed so hard, she nearly peed her pants, but then calmed down just long enough to take this awesome, self-esteem boosting picture of my butt.
Actually, the thing that really boosted my self-esteem was the size of the butt print left permanently embedded in the road near the Reptile House.
So if you're nearby, stop and take a looky look.
You can thank me later for the good laugh.
I also take cash and expensive jewelry.