Surprisingly, Sugar Daddy has a perfect driving record. This seems so funny to me, even as his wife, because he has tendencies toward road rage (minor) and speeding (medium), and even erratic driving (major). He tries to talk on his phone, shift, and steer, all at the same time. It's tricky, trust me, I've tried it. I'm not great at it. He can do it with no problems, sometimes even balancing a refreshing beverage in his hand. It's a gift, really.
But his perfect record has nearly been marred a couple of times. Once, 11 years ago, on a lonely road North of Kemmerer, Wyoming, as we headed hurriedly up to Jackson Hole for our honeymoon, a bored Highway Patrol officer pulled us over for speeding. After seeing us in our newly wedded bliss, and I'd like to think a strong stirring from the Spirit, he let us go with just a warning. Whew.
Last weekend again, we were hurrying home from Utah, only this time instead of newly wedded bliss, we had 3 kids sleeping and a truck bed packed to the hilt with Christmas loot. A Lincoln, Nebraska construction zone can be a lonely place at 2 AM, so when those red and blues turned on, it nearly caused an anal hygiene problem for me, if you know what I mean. I instinctively opened up the glove box to get out the registration and proof of insurance, ( you see, I'm really no stranger to the routine) as the friendly police officer approached my side of the truck.
It is at this point 3 things happen simultaneously. First, I realize we have no current proof of insurance. They are all expired, some just barely (August), and some for quite a while ( January of 07). Second, I see our registration is a little iffy, at best. Sure, it has the county in which we live, but no home address, no name to which the vehicle is registered, and no make or model of the vehicle. Hmmm, weird. And third, I get a gut instinct that this officer is only looking for drunk drivers on this the first night of the year. I know that none of our misdeeds is enough for him to care about.
Sure enough, he takes Sugar Daddy back to his vehicle, makes small talk with him while he runs our plates, and proceeds to tell him he and his wife are expecting their first child in June. I think once he saw the 3 kids, and heard we were from Utah, he figured there were probably a few extra wives and several dozen children awaiting our return. Which is fine, I think it's kind of a fun stereotype to let people believe. It makes me chuckle.
So despite our lacking proper papers, and the fact that we were doing 11 over in a construction zone, Officer Goodeed let us go with just a warning. Wow. Again, we made it by the skin of our teeth.
And Sugar Daddy continues his perfect driving record. Much to my chagrin, as I have had a couple of incidents with red lights, and garbage cans. No matter. It keeps our insurance down, and it makes him feel superior to all the other drivers on the road. And that's what is most important.
But stay tuned for tomorrow's installment of "why it's good to have a golf club shaped hitch plug when you live in an icy environment", or "thanks to Jill's fabulous gift, she has saved us thousands of dollars in deductibles". Trust me, you don't want to miss it.