For those of you that know me well, you know I hate to look at myself. Ever. Like ever. Like, even to put on makeup. I went with Meg to pick up her wedding gown, and that room full of floor to ceiling mirrors was my own personal Hell. It seems like as soon as I see my reflection, I immediately focus on the flaws. You know, the jiggly belly, the double chin, the acne problem, and I could go on and on. I'm just not a babe. It's fine, I'm over it.
So nearly 4 years ago I had lap band surgery. I was a fat girl, and needed help. So I had the surgery. It wasn't cheap, but I knew it would be worth it.
Not long after the surgery, I found out I was pregnant with Gretta. So I had all the restriction from the band taken out, and I had normal eating habits until I had her. Then slowly I started getting more restriction added.
It has taken a while, but I've finally found my happy place. I can still eat a small amount of food comfortably, but I can't overeat or I puke. It's not pretty, but it works.
And since April, I have lost... Dun dun dun....
I wish I had done this sooner, because I really can feel the old me emerging. It's a nice feeling.
But now for the downside.
My clothes look horrible on me. My pants sag everywhere, my G's get all tangled up around me during the night, the three bras I bought during the summer are too big, and now I have to start spending money on clothes to fix all that. This is the first time in my life that I have had to spend money to buy smaller clothes, and not the size up from my last size.
What a great feeling.
And now, I can look myself in the eye. You may even notice my profile picture is an actual picture of myself, not the Pancreatic Cancer Awareness ribbon. That's a huge step. I can even iChat with the family, and not want to cry.
So there. If you think you need help, get the lap band. It works. I'll even give you my docs name, cause he's awesome. He also does emergency appendectomies ( just as my dad) and hernia repairs (again, just ask my dad). He also has a killer house in over in old Riverton, and he is just cool.