But I am definitely different.
I remember as a kid, swinging so high on those swings, showing off for my crush of the week, Shane, and thinking life was so easy. I knew I had it good as a kid. My parents worked hard, and we did lots of fun things as a family. I always knew I was blessed. Lucky even.
Yesterday as I shuffled through that gravely playground, I realized how different my life has turned out thus far from how I thought it would. I honestly never thought I would have 3 children. I never thought I would be a stay at home mom, and I certainly never thought I would be 30 something living with the in laws.
I always thought I would become a famous writer, live in a big city in a high rise apartment, and live alone. Really, that's what I wanted for myself. Boy, things sure are different now.
I guess life hands you lessons and you learn what you need, and then you move on to the next lesson. Apparently I'm a tough case because I need to keep relearning the same lessons. When will I learn to do what I'm supposed to do? How hard is my head that I need to keep working on the same lessons repeatedly? I guess going back to elementary school really put my life lessons in perspective. I will learn this time, I promise.
7 comments:
It's funny how we have to constantly learn the same things over and over. When will we learn? Troy and I have talked a lot about that lately. I hope we can learn this time!
Could you imagine yourself alone in a highrise now? What would you do with out Sean and your kids? Crazy to think!
Keli. I am surprised you didn't comment on how you can't swing anymore. It makes you sick. That would be my post. So with you on the life thing and how it always turns out something we never anticipated. For me, even when it is staring me in the face, still oblivious. Love you
I've been trying to decide which Shane you had a crush on...Shane Brooks?? I totally had one on Joe Watterson in 3rd grade - do you remember him? Being there takes me back too -to the end of 6th grade. I remember thinking I still had 6 grades before we graduated. Now here I am MANY years past High School. Life never turns out what you think. I can't decide if that's good or bad.....
i have a friend who when she hit 50 started lamenting that she had had children and stayed home with them and wished she had stayed a dancer. her husband told her that if she had stayed dancing, right now she would be lamenting that she hadn't made time to have kids. the grass is always greener syndrome.
i think what it means is that you didn't really want to be a writer and be alone and live in a big city. you maybe wanted to do it for 6 months or a year, but what you really wanted is a nice husband and cute kids. because other wise you wouldn't have agreed to marry sean (you don't seem like the kind of person someone MAKES do something) and lucky for you, you got what you really wanted.
i'm not trying to say that your situation is easy or that you asked to have this big upheaval in your life, but that in the things that you do have control, you've made some pretty good choices. and those good choices make all the upheaval more bearable. and i think you are doing a great job.
i hope that didn't sounds too preachy.
I love the way you write - I always enjoy it but I am glad you aren't the professional writer/bachelorette, because then we never would have been friends. Now that would be a tragedy! Ü
I understand completely. I grew up in LA and never thought that I would leave LA let alone live all over the world. We never do know where life will lead us. Hence, the admonition to live life to the fullest everyday. You are doing a great job. Enjoy your time with your in-laws. You will probably look back and really appreciate that you have this time together.
Sounds like you watched too much "Sex and The City". The only thing that I have learned thus far in life is that everyone ... old or young ... has a set of problems that, from their viewpoint, is as pressing or as depressing as yours. I always ask myself and wonder when life is going to become stable ... yet I have come to accept the answer ...IT NEVER WILL!
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